Words
a collection of essays by music hall's founder, Roy Hallthese essays were originally published in copper magazine
Binghamton
There was music everywhere; and what music… I reveled in it and it became the soundtrack of my new life.
Key West
“Go immediately to the emergency room. I can’t help you here,” said the doctor in Urgent Care.
Cop Tales
“I know you are holding her in the basement. Let her speak to me.”
Dating
For a hormone filled sixteen year old, this was a gift from the gods.
Muggings
It was the jostling that alerted me. I looked down and saw a hand removing money from my pocket.
My First Visit to China
Originally titled, “In a Shanghai Speaker Factory (or, Never Get Your Hair Cut in China)”
Budapest
I was sitting on a bidet in Budapest, thinking of Sam Tellig.
The Jewish Cemetery
I recently visited Glasgow and true to form, it poured cats and dogs.
Party
“This is S.I. Newhouse’s personal secretary, I would like to invite you and your wife to a party to celebrate the construction of his new apartment.”
Napa
“Hi Dad. How would you like to be my sous chef? I’m doing a charity event in Napa and I’ll need a assistant.” Ilan, my son, was the winner of Top Chef… I had to say yes.
Moscow
“Please list every single foreign trip you have taken.”
Esther
She looked so summery, that I had to talk to her.
Crazy Horse
“C’est mon mari!” yelled Arianne as we rushed into the kitchen to help her husband.
Cultural Differences
A week later, healed, I returned to the hospital. My kids were with me and, as normal, were acting like animals.
Taxi
The four of us shuffled into the doctor’s office. An old man gazed at us from behind his thick glasses. “Drop them!” He growled. “And the underpants!”
New York Stories
New York in the late seventies was run-down, crime-ridden, and affordable.
Heart
Hong Kong is a western sea of tranquility amongst the tumult of China. It is also a place where English is ubiquitously spoken.
Hong Kong
Hong Kong is a western sea of tranquility amongst the tumult of China. It is also a place where English is ubiquitously spoken.
Motherwell
Furniture stores are magnets for small kids. All they see are bunk beds to climb and mattresses to jump on.
An Interesting Day
“You should visit the Yakeshi Factory in Foshan,” my friend Richard said. “They make really good products, and after every one of my visits, they send me back to my hotel with two girls for company.”
Arran
Invest in a new distillery in the Isle of Arran. Your £450 payment will result in 12 cases of blended whisky and as a holder of a Founders Bond.
Citizenship
“Oh, you speak English? Thank God. You’re the first one today,” said the immigration officer.
Berlin Stories
“How can you stand to be here after all that happened to your family?”
Trade Shows
“Roy, I need you to be on your best behavior,” said my friend Tony who worked for Epos Acoustics…
Food, Wine, and Advice
When I moved to Manhattan in the mid-seventies things were not expensive, but I was almost always penniless.
Discipline
As a kid growing up in Glasgow, Scotland in the 1950s, it was not at all unusual to receive a whack if you did something wrong.
Suicide
As I age, I become aware of my mortality. My wife and I have talked about what to do if one of us becomes brain dead.
Whisky
Somehow, through luck and later, skill, some of the distillers started making and bottling single malt whisky that was drinkable. And that’s the best part of this tale.
Masumi
“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” “Yes,” she replied, to my great astonishment.
Education
“It’s your move Roy. The bet is two shillings and hurry up, it’s almost lunchtime,” said my English teacher.
Cairns
In cold, wet, miserable Glasgow the idea of just wearing swimming shorts and walking barefoot in the sand was enormously seductive.
Love Stories
After dinner, I said, “Would you like to go somewhere beautiful?” She looked at me as if I was mad. “More beautiful than this?” She was hooked, and so was I.
Surprise
I had been friendly with Roslyn for quite a few years.
Sinai
“It’s Syriac,” he said. “It’s the script used by the Nabataeans over two thousand years ago.”
Concerts
Unsurprisingly, music has played a central role in my life. Music can be emotional, erotic, transcendent, hypnotic and, in some cases, downright terrible.
Hotel Tales
“You’re a doctor, aren’t you?” she said, eyeing me. “No,” I replied. “I’m a bullshit artist.”
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Escape
“Line up against that wall” said the Captain to my uncle Fred. “Platoon. Get ready, take aim…”
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Belmont Park
She was a head taller than everyone else, and moved like a real thoroughbred. If anyone truly belonged at Belmont, it was she.
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Cancer
“What’s that black circle?” I asked the technician while looking at the ghostly images on the screen.
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